did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
