why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
