Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
