My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
