Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
