I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
