he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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