when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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