I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
