I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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