Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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