The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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