That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
