dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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