but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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