Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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