Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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