ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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