90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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