put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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