One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
