At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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