and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
