I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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