so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
