Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
