yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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