I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
