yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
