last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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