I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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