i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
