his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
