well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
