the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
