are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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