I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
