i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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