She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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