he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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