i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
