it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
