Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
