Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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