this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
