why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
FUCK WHALES
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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