True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
only you would photoshop your dick
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
