i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
