the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
