Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
