look no pants
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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