All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
