I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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