Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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